Fall semester of Freshman year, we performed You're A Good Man Charlie Brown. And of course theater kids don't keep the drama in the theater, so in classes and in the cafeteria and the grocery store, we would act like the little kids in the play and be very expressive with our emotions. It was a lot of fun, and so very healing to be able to freely express emotions like a child again.
So aspirational. I think I’m bad at fun…almost all of it comes from being around my child and little of it is really personal. But that’s the freaking goal — fun is part of what makes life worth living!
Aww I just love this, Elle! The first line in my about section asks “are you having enough fun?!”. So yes, I’m all about this. Let’s incorporate fun into the everyday, even the small moments!
The “good life” lives beyond those bounds. I couldn’t agree more. As someone who was raised in Asian society, I don’t completely disagree with Hofstede (although other parts of Asia are far more regimented than Malaysia, where I’m from). I didn’t rediscover fun until the pandemic, and have never looked back since.
> It’s easy to get into a routine of all the things that are supposed to be indicators of a good life, and yet that life is not good.
Very well said, Elle! And as someone from Easter Europe living in the West, I can relate to it 100%.
Incidentally, I recently took on House dance classes because regular cardio was too boring, which is why I couldn't even stick with it (so I think there's that effect too!), and because I often dreamed of doing a street dance like a kid, but was too scared to "look stupid" as an adult. Glad I listened to that inner child.
And I would even take it a step further and claim that getting more in touch with our emotions - doesn't matter positive or negative - and dialing them all the way up to 11, instead of repelling them, is what really increases our overall happiness and connection to others. I think it is our primal and most important form of communication, despite what we came to believe in the modern society. And even my therapist agrees :-)
This is so beautiful and reaffirming!!!!! Dance really is winning in the comments. I’m convinced that being able to express our emotions is key to happiness. (Though I’m not convinced yelling and screaming and crying is, even if we need space for that too. 😊)
Dancing and live music are quite literally the two components of human existence wherein we get closest to our most potent, collective unconditionalism, outside of our bonds with our animals. All the rest of our arts, including our literature, are limited by their era-specific contexts and their culturally shaped minds....except for music. Music is the long game for human culture. If there will be anything humans do that might echo in the cosmos and the universe Herself, it will be our music and little else. Saw the Rolling Stones this week, Elle, and yes, same thing happened, we got caught up in the moment with 70,000 other Stones fans smack dab in the heart of Inglewood in Southern California, and danced with abandon, unfettered by the standard repressions of humanity.
Sure, collective fun is a gas, gas, gas. But engaging in solitary activities allows for introspection, creativity, and self-discovery without the need for external validation or social interaction. That's the strong point, particularly if you don't like crowds. Couldn't Bergson just play the laugh track at home to help him laugh out loud alone like a true mad man. It seems important to tap our intrinsic motivations and preferences. Don't we need that sense of independence and self-sufficiency?
Sure. Solitude often serves as a backdrop for introspective narratives. What if instead of screeching in a crowd in a concert unheard, we were busy exploring themes of identity or the rewards of solitude, digging into the importance of self-appreciation and self-expression? What if we could offer ourselves a sanctuary from that incessant pressure to be having fun in front of others, of proving that we too are happy?
I can imagine a world that's materially better in many ways -- less disease, more wealth, more general well-being -- and would thus increase contentment but not joy, and it does seem that there would be something wrong there. It isn't a humanist utopia, certainly. It lacks peak experience. We need the ecstatic.
Looking back, I used the word "joy" whereas you've said "happiness". Are these the same in your mind or is there some distinction here? What might be different in attempting to promote one versus the other?
I totally agree with you. Joy isn’t inherent in all the other metrics! And yes, I do distinguish between joy and happiness. I think of joy along the lines of fun, and happiness along the lines of contentment. There’s probably room for interpretation there but to me the difference is that more ecstatic expressive joy that bubbles out of you!
Latin American cultures are more emotionally expressive -- I experienced this first-hand in the first few months at my current job. While befriending my Mexican coworker, they would sometimes say: Hey, are you angry? Did I offend you? (when I thought I was behaving normally) From the start, I had a better mutual understanding with coworkers from other 'northern' cultures like the Netherlands & Ireland. Of course, it can't all be explained by cultural differences, some of it was doubtlessly individual personality too. I'm so grateful to my Latin American coworkers for teaching me to be a little more open with emotions.
Absolutely agree that laughter brings people together, although I'd be curious how sense of humour plays into the mix... Laughter & humour is something that brings my family together but I also have a friend whose sense of humour is completely different than mine. I guess jokes are a category of their own, of course that doesn't mean that we never laugh or have fun together.
Isn’t that funny how people can interpret our whole personalities differently because of that? I had a similar experience in France where my friends thought I was too expressively happy, something which made me seem like I was an idiot 🤣 So classic.
This essay is a joy to read. I loved it from the jump but I subscribed as of this paragraph:
"It was so fucking fun."
Over the past week I've realized that having more fun in my life is not just a nice idea, it may be critical to the survival of my marriage and to breaking me out of the crust of my natural inwardness.
And also: it's fun. I have two kids, I'm 45, I work a job, but I'm not dead. Thanks for the life-giving reminder. I'm going to look for Mitch at the top of that slide now...
Fall semester of Freshman year, we performed You're A Good Man Charlie Brown. And of course theater kids don't keep the drama in the theater, so in classes and in the cafeteria and the grocery store, we would act like the little kids in the play and be very expressive with our emotions. It was a lot of fun, and so very healing to be able to freely express emotions like a child again.
Shout out to the theater kids. It really is so fun being one and I miss those days!
So aspirational. I think I’m bad at fun…almost all of it comes from being around my child and little of it is really personal. But that’s the freaking goal — fun is part of what makes life worth living!
Aww I just love this, Elle! The first line in my about section asks “are you having enough fun?!”. So yes, I’m all about this. Let’s incorporate fun into the everyday, even the small moments!
The “good life” lives beyond those bounds. I couldn’t agree more. As someone who was raised in Asian society, I don’t completely disagree with Hofstede (although other parts of Asia are far more regimented than Malaysia, where I’m from). I didn’t rediscover fun until the pandemic, and have never looked back since.
> It’s easy to get into a routine of all the things that are supposed to be indicators of a good life, and yet that life is not good.
Very well said, Elle! And as someone from Easter Europe living in the West, I can relate to it 100%.
Incidentally, I recently took on House dance classes because regular cardio was too boring, which is why I couldn't even stick with it (so I think there's that effect too!), and because I often dreamed of doing a street dance like a kid, but was too scared to "look stupid" as an adult. Glad I listened to that inner child.
And I would even take it a step further and claim that getting more in touch with our emotions - doesn't matter positive or negative - and dialing them all the way up to 11, instead of repelling them, is what really increases our overall happiness and connection to others. I think it is our primal and most important form of communication, despite what we came to believe in the modern society. And even my therapist agrees :-)
This is so beautiful and reaffirming!!!!! Dance really is winning in the comments. I’m convinced that being able to express our emotions is key to happiness. (Though I’m not convinced yelling and screaming and crying is, even if we need space for that too. 😊)
Dancing and live music are quite literally the two components of human existence wherein we get closest to our most potent, collective unconditionalism, outside of our bonds with our animals. All the rest of our arts, including our literature, are limited by their era-specific contexts and their culturally shaped minds....except for music. Music is the long game for human culture. If there will be anything humans do that might echo in the cosmos and the universe Herself, it will be our music and little else. Saw the Rolling Stones this week, Elle, and yes, same thing happened, we got caught up in the moment with 70,000 other Stones fans smack dab in the heart of Inglewood in Southern California, and danced with abandon, unfettered by the standard repressions of humanity.
That sounds absolutely incredible. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and your thoughts!
Sure, collective fun is a gas, gas, gas. But engaging in solitary activities allows for introspection, creativity, and self-discovery without the need for external validation or social interaction. That's the strong point, particularly if you don't like crowds. Couldn't Bergson just play the laugh track at home to help him laugh out loud alone like a true mad man. It seems important to tap our intrinsic motivations and preferences. Don't we need that sense of independence and self-sufficiency?
Sure. Solitude often serves as a backdrop for introspective narratives. What if instead of screeching in a crowd in a concert unheard, we were busy exploring themes of identity or the rewards of solitude, digging into the importance of self-appreciation and self-expression? What if we could offer ourselves a sanctuary from that incessant pressure to be having fun in front of others, of proving that we too are happy?
There is no doubt there is a lot to be gained from solitude, this piece was sort of a response to having too much of it 🥰
I have a question. Did you get mistaken for Taylor Swift?
Ha! Weirdly yes every now and then. But I think it’s just the hair…
Haha! Amazing! :-D
I can imagine a world that's materially better in many ways -- less disease, more wealth, more general well-being -- and would thus increase contentment but not joy, and it does seem that there would be something wrong there. It isn't a humanist utopia, certainly. It lacks peak experience. We need the ecstatic.
Looking back, I used the word "joy" whereas you've said "happiness". Are these the same in your mind or is there some distinction here? What might be different in attempting to promote one versus the other?
I totally agree with you. Joy isn’t inherent in all the other metrics! And yes, I do distinguish between joy and happiness. I think of joy along the lines of fun, and happiness along the lines of contentment. There’s probably room for interpretation there but to me the difference is that more ecstatic expressive joy that bubbles out of you!
What a great article! This is a wonderful reminder to keep engaging with things that bring up that joyous, contagious energy. Thank you for sharing!
Latin American cultures are more emotionally expressive -- I experienced this first-hand in the first few months at my current job. While befriending my Mexican coworker, they would sometimes say: Hey, are you angry? Did I offend you? (when I thought I was behaving normally) From the start, I had a better mutual understanding with coworkers from other 'northern' cultures like the Netherlands & Ireland. Of course, it can't all be explained by cultural differences, some of it was doubtlessly individual personality too. I'm so grateful to my Latin American coworkers for teaching me to be a little more open with emotions.
Absolutely agree that laughter brings people together, although I'd be curious how sense of humour plays into the mix... Laughter & humour is something that brings my family together but I also have a friend whose sense of humour is completely different than mine. I guess jokes are a category of their own, of course that doesn't mean that we never laugh or have fun together.
Thank you, this is good food for thought!
Isn’t that funny how people can interpret our whole personalities differently because of that? I had a similar experience in France where my friends thought I was too expressively happy, something which made me seem like I was an idiot 🤣 So classic.
I'd be curious how fun can combine with flow states, for a peak experience.
We typically think of flow (essential to flourishing) in terms of a meditative or creative state.
But flow + fun is amazing cocktail. It may be why "dancing" is at the top of the list.
Examples...
- dancing at a wedding
- engaged at a sporting event
- playing a video game w/ friends
- and so on
This essay is a joy to read. I loved it from the jump but I subscribed as of this paragraph:
"It was so fucking fun."
Over the past week I've realized that having more fun in my life is not just a nice idea, it may be critical to the survival of my marriage and to breaking me out of the crust of my natural inwardness.
And also: it's fun. I have two kids, I'm 45, I work a job, but I'm not dead. Thanks for the life-giving reminder. I'm going to look for Mitch at the top of that slide now...
Right! Life should be fun! We should be at the top of that waterslide! 😆
I was just saying to a friend the other night that I want to have fun again.
Here's something fun, btw, coming next week: https://www.tweetspeakpoetry.com/take-your-poet-to-work-day/
Great pic btw, what is the source?
I make all of my newsletter photos using Midjourney!
Nice !
Ok Elle. I'm going dancing right away ! btw - the guy standing next to the band looks like a bodyguard to me, Jason-Statham-style 😎
Ha! That very well could be the case!