No one can fully understand another person's experience. The situation you described sounds harrowing. I beg your pardon in advance for presuming anything, but here are a few thoughts:
Moments of intense fear stay with you like a scar. But rationally you know that the scar does not define your life.
Physical activity and being with the people we love are always healing.
I'm a Buddhist who has meditated for most of my life, which lets me detach from my thoughts and "watch" them. But I would suggest something more....
You are alive and have created an amazing Substack. People you have never met care about you and look forward to your posts.
Wake up in the morning with gratitude. It is a powerful emotion that accepts the past, but overcomes the negativity.
Hope this helps. Again, I apologize if any of this seems intrusive.
Thanks for the kinds words John. I've been practicing mindfulness for a long time, and the moment of fear or anxiety expressed in this post is not an everyday ailment for me, but a temporary occurrence that occasionally pops up as a result of being human. Don't mistake it for the rest of my life—99% of the time I am grateful and happy and content, and I focus my thoughts on all the very positive and beautiful things in my life, just as you say. Fear and anxiety will never define me—that doesn't mean I don't still experience both things on occasion, and need to return to the practice once again. 🥰
Love the honesty and realness of this article. As someone who is 40+ years past the actual events I can sadly share that this is still an occasional reality. I have been through all the tools and many help and sometimes the best therapy is a happy movie and a giant bowl of popcorn.
I also love that the comments are so supportive of you and your bravery. The need to try to fix is woven deep into our conditioning and often with vulnerable shares we get bombarded with offers of how to “fix” it. When simply sitting with it can be just as good. Pour your pain a good cuppa and be with it until it gets up and moves along, or in your case do some yoga with it.
Do what works for you and keep up the amazing writing. I love reading your work. <3
Isn’t it funny how the body works this way? And I so agree about the powerful cure of a happy movie. When I was at the very worst of my depression, I spent a summer watching Friends, and that was more helpful than any of the therapy I had until that point!!
It’s a supportive community—everyone has to deal with these things in their own way! And forever and every apparently! 🥸
I think what you’re describing also works on a civilization scale, we’re always building towards happiness and peace (the Utopia) but have to deal with the messiness and brutal trauma of the past (existing cities)
I also found Yoga to be my happy place when stress comes lol, it does boil down to ‘yoga, yoga, yoga’ 🤣
Thank you Elle for sharing; your essay was great. Indeed, there is so much that remains in the body far past its “expiration date” of usefulness. I’m happy to hear though that you’ve discovered strategies for mitigating the anxiety!
So tender and honest, thank you so much, Elle. I feel the frustration (like the hands and fists in the air being like 'why!!! why now!'), but I also feel the love you have for yourself to accept and care for what you still have to carry. Vulnerability begets vulnerability.
I hope this doesn’t sound too selfish, but your post helps me find the courage and discover new ways to write more about what’s going on inside of me. If I post about it, readers appreciate it, but I think it also somehow benefits my writing when I return to my less personal topics.
A beautiful sharing...thank you. Keep up the work- so hopwfully your neural pathways can continue to be re-routed. Perhaps there probably is no ending- but more of the calm and less of the flight.
A very brave article. You are generally so upbeat. Surprised to hear this trauma happened to you. We never get over stuff like this - because it resets us to think that danger can happen at any time. You survived, so this is the positive side of the situation.
I've also had some trauma - not as bad as yours, but subsequently it possibly saved me from serious injury when I became paranoid in NYC street situations and was able to leave the possible threat.
40 years in NYC in various places late at night as a jazz musician - never been mugged. I do admit to some premptory voluntary small donations upon occasion, however....
I'm so sorry you've had to struggle with regular street disorder because of your craft!!! But I'm glad you've figured out strategies that work in the face of it. It's not fun to always have to be on your guard, but helpful nonetheless! And the world needs more jazz musicians in my opinon so I'm glad you do it. 🥰
You’ve got incredible resolve and a great poker face. I never would have guessed you were carrying all of this with you when we met. I hope there comes a time when you find yourself in a space where your nervous system can relax for a long while. You deserve it.
No poker face necessary. I’m definitely not carrying this with me on a daily basis and my nervous system has had plenty of time to relax. Most of the time I am happy and well! That doesn’t mean there aren’t still brief moments that require a quick tune up!
Oof I know the feeling of “unwanted and unnecessary” anxiety for very different reasons. Hypnotherapy has helped me a lot. Have you tried it? It focuses on the subconscious and unlike other therapies a few sessions can make a huge and lasting difference. A hypnotherapist or therapist that practices MER “Mental and Emotional Release” could be worth trying. I still have some of the feelings but they don’t hijack my system in the same way and intensity so I’m able to keep doing whatever I’ve planned to do. Wishing you that best and thanks for sharing.
No I haven’t! I know everyone has different long term strategies, but yoga has been my personal favorite. Like you, the vast majority of those earthquakes have been tamed. It’s just the occasional tremor that requires due diligence! Glad you’ve found a strategy for that as well!
Take a look if interested..MER is an evolution of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programing) and really gets into the subconscious roots so it’s quite different than a conscious practices that maintain health. I was amazed by the results particularly because as a thinking person i find it hard to comprehend the power of the subconscious and how simply it can be affected with the right messaging.
First of all, thanks for sharing your life experience. It must, and still is, causing you trauma. I pray it was cathartic to write it all down, and you feel just a little bit freer by sharing your ongoing challenge with us.
Thanks for sharing this, Elle. What you make so clear is that Individual acts of terrorism are evil and incredibly harmful whether they result in physical injury or not.
Thanks David, I remember having a similar thought in my 20s. Whenever I would watch a thriller, and the people managed to survive the life threatening ordeal in the end, I used to think, “But now comes the hard part. This isn’t actually a happy ending!”
Elle:
No one can fully understand another person's experience. The situation you described sounds harrowing. I beg your pardon in advance for presuming anything, but here are a few thoughts:
Moments of intense fear stay with you like a scar. But rationally you know that the scar does not define your life.
Physical activity and being with the people we love are always healing.
I'm a Buddhist who has meditated for most of my life, which lets me detach from my thoughts and "watch" them. But I would suggest something more....
You are alive and have created an amazing Substack. People you have never met care about you and look forward to your posts.
Wake up in the morning with gratitude. It is a powerful emotion that accepts the past, but overcomes the negativity.
Hope this helps. Again, I apologize if any of this seems intrusive.
John Twelve Hawks
Thanks for the kinds words John. I've been practicing mindfulness for a long time, and the moment of fear or anxiety expressed in this post is not an everyday ailment for me, but a temporary occurrence that occasionally pops up as a result of being human. Don't mistake it for the rest of my life—99% of the time I am grateful and happy and content, and I focus my thoughts on all the very positive and beautiful things in my life, just as you say. Fear and anxiety will never define me—that doesn't mean I don't still experience both things on occasion, and need to return to the practice once again. 🥰
Love the honesty and realness of this article. As someone who is 40+ years past the actual events I can sadly share that this is still an occasional reality. I have been through all the tools and many help and sometimes the best therapy is a happy movie and a giant bowl of popcorn.
I also love that the comments are so supportive of you and your bravery. The need to try to fix is woven deep into our conditioning and often with vulnerable shares we get bombarded with offers of how to “fix” it. When simply sitting with it can be just as good. Pour your pain a good cuppa and be with it until it gets up and moves along, or in your case do some yoga with it.
Do what works for you and keep up the amazing writing. I love reading your work. <3
Isn’t it funny how the body works this way? And I so agree about the powerful cure of a happy movie. When I was at the very worst of my depression, I spent a summer watching Friends, and that was more helpful than any of the therapy I had until that point!!
It’s a supportive community—everyone has to deal with these things in their own way! And forever and every apparently! 🥸
I think what you’re describing also works on a civilization scale, we’re always building towards happiness and peace (the Utopia) but have to deal with the messiness and brutal trauma of the past (existing cities)
I also found Yoga to be my happy place when stress comes lol, it does boil down to ‘yoga, yoga, yoga’ 🤣
Oh so true!!!!!!! That’s a good point…
The realest essay I've read on substack in a long time
Thank you Elle for sharing; your essay was great. Indeed, there is so much that remains in the body far past its “expiration date” of usefulness. I’m happy to hear though that you’ve discovered strategies for mitigating the anxiety!
Thanks Jeremy!!!!
Sending you so much love
So tender and honest, thank you so much, Elle. I feel the frustration (like the hands and fists in the air being like 'why!!! why now!'), but I also feel the love you have for yourself to accept and care for what you still have to carry. Vulnerability begets vulnerability.
Thank you Kana, and thank you so much for inspiring me to press publish on this one!!!
I hope this doesn’t sound too selfish, but your post helps me find the courage and discover new ways to write more about what’s going on inside of me. If I post about it, readers appreciate it, but I think it also somehow benefits my writing when I return to my less personal topics.
I agree. Sometimes writing can get too wooden without enough of the self in it. It's a good reminder to return to that!
Thank you for sharing. Hang in there
A beautiful sharing...thank you. Keep up the work- so hopwfully your neural pathways can continue to be re-routed. Perhaps there probably is no ending- but more of the calm and less of the flight.
Thanks Wendy!
Hi Elle,
A very brave article. You are generally so upbeat. Surprised to hear this trauma happened to you. We never get over stuff like this - because it resets us to think that danger can happen at any time. You survived, so this is the positive side of the situation.
I've also had some trauma - not as bad as yours, but subsequently it possibly saved me from serious injury when I became paranoid in NYC street situations and was able to leave the possible threat.
40 years in NYC in various places late at night as a jazz musician - never been mugged. I do admit to some premptory voluntary small donations upon occasion, however....
I'm so sorry you've had to struggle with regular street disorder because of your craft!!! But I'm glad you've figured out strategies that work in the face of it. It's not fun to always have to be on your guard, but helpful nonetheless! And the world needs more jazz musicians in my opinon so I'm glad you do it. 🥰
You’ve got incredible resolve and a great poker face. I never would have guessed you were carrying all of this with you when we met. I hope there comes a time when you find yourself in a space where your nervous system can relax for a long while. You deserve it.
No poker face necessary. I’m definitely not carrying this with me on a daily basis and my nervous system has had plenty of time to relax. Most of the time I am happy and well! That doesn’t mean there aren’t still brief moments that require a quick tune up!
Oof I know the feeling of “unwanted and unnecessary” anxiety for very different reasons. Hypnotherapy has helped me a lot. Have you tried it? It focuses on the subconscious and unlike other therapies a few sessions can make a huge and lasting difference. A hypnotherapist or therapist that practices MER “Mental and Emotional Release” could be worth trying. I still have some of the feelings but they don’t hijack my system in the same way and intensity so I’m able to keep doing whatever I’ve planned to do. Wishing you that best and thanks for sharing.
No I haven’t! I know everyone has different long term strategies, but yoga has been my personal favorite. Like you, the vast majority of those earthquakes have been tamed. It’s just the occasional tremor that requires due diligence! Glad you’ve found a strategy for that as well!
Take a look if interested..MER is an evolution of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programing) and really gets into the subconscious roots so it’s quite different than a conscious practices that maintain health. I was amazed by the results particularly because as a thinking person i find it hard to comprehend the power of the subconscious and how simply it can be affected with the right messaging.
First of all, thanks for sharing your life experience. It must, and still is, causing you trauma. I pray it was cathartic to write it all down, and you feel just a little bit freer by sharing your ongoing challenge with us.
It's frustrating more than anything else, but I appreciate your kind words Tom!
Thanks for sharing this, Elle. What you make so clear is that Individual acts of terrorism are evil and incredibly harmful whether they result in physical injury or not.
Thanks David, I remember having a similar thought in my 20s. Whenever I would watch a thriller, and the people managed to survive the life threatening ordeal in the end, I used to think, “But now comes the hard part. This isn’t actually a happy ending!”