I like the ending of this chapter! The settings thus far have certainly been beautiful, but there was an absence of conflict that limited dramatic intrigue. But now Taka reveals that he's been hunting Elysia for actions she doesn't remember. That's intriguing! What does it mean for their relationship? What does it mean about who she used to be? There's risk now, and that's a great way to draw readers forward.
That is such helpful feedback, thank you! Do you think I need to draw that intrigue in earlier in the book? I tried to add some semblance of it (her not knowing where she is, the mysterious painting, the fact that it seems like they are in the future) but maybe that was all too subtle?
It's tough to answer without knowing where the story will go, but based on what you've released, I think the answer is yes, you should pull that forward. But I would recommend doing that by condensing chapters 1-3, probably into a single chapter. That's your intro to the world, and then Taka's arrival escalates things so that now we're learning about people within the world. Elysia's mysteries are interesting, but she's so calm that she doesn't seem particularly troubled by anything. And since she's the reader's view into the story, her lack of urgency becomes a lack of urgency for the reader. Mysteries are enticing, but it's conflict that moves a story forward. And Taka seems to be the story's source of conflict. He has concerns, wants, and possibly even grudges! The sooner you can get into that type of stuff, the better, I think.
Very good points. I could probably ramp up his suspicions of her when they first meet in the shack (how did she wind up in his garden, was it intentional? Has he been keeping an eye on her this whole time?). And then continue that into their explorations of the world (was he showing her a particular underwater world that she might have known? That proves her deceit?)
I’ll go back and look and see where I can make that more enticing. Thank you so much!!!!!
I like the ending of this chapter! The settings thus far have certainly been beautiful, but there was an absence of conflict that limited dramatic intrigue. But now Taka reveals that he's been hunting Elysia for actions she doesn't remember. That's intriguing! What does it mean for their relationship? What does it mean about who she used to be? There's risk now, and that's a great way to draw readers forward.
That is such helpful feedback, thank you! Do you think I need to draw that intrigue in earlier in the book? I tried to add some semblance of it (her not knowing where she is, the mysterious painting, the fact that it seems like they are in the future) but maybe that was all too subtle?
It's tough to answer without knowing where the story will go, but based on what you've released, I think the answer is yes, you should pull that forward. But I would recommend doing that by condensing chapters 1-3, probably into a single chapter. That's your intro to the world, and then Taka's arrival escalates things so that now we're learning about people within the world. Elysia's mysteries are interesting, but she's so calm that she doesn't seem particularly troubled by anything. And since she's the reader's view into the story, her lack of urgency becomes a lack of urgency for the reader. Mysteries are enticing, but it's conflict that moves a story forward. And Taka seems to be the story's source of conflict. He has concerns, wants, and possibly even grudges! The sooner you can get into that type of stuff, the better, I think.
Very good points. I could probably ramp up his suspicions of her when they first meet in the shack (how did she wind up in his garden, was it intentional? Has he been keeping an eye on her this whole time?). And then continue that into their explorations of the world (was he showing her a particular underwater world that she might have known? That proves her deceit?)
I’ll go back and look and see where I can make that more enticing. Thank you so much!!!!!
You're welcome! Let me know if you need a sounding board for any potential changes.